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Earth vs the Spider

(1958)

This chick and her boyfriend find a giant spider living in a cave. The cops aren't buying it, but for like the first time in monster movie history they decide to check it out anyway and when it turns out to be true they blast that sucker with an absolute assload of DDT. They lock the "dead" spider in the school gym until some science cats can come pick it up, but then Archie and the Gang decide to barge in there and practice some of their goddamned rock & roll and, sure enough, that brings the spider to and it goes on a rampage. This movie is actually pretty badass for a 1950s flick: a bunch of people get wasted when the spider escapes, and when the dust clears there's even a baby covered with blood crying in the street! That's good shit. My favorite though is the smashed-up, blood-soaked car with the "Just Married" sign on it. That spider probably did them a favor. In the end they electrocute the spider, which is pretty weak - they should've blown it up, or at least dropped a giant shoe on it or something - but other than that this wasn't half bad, except of course for the lack of tits. If they can go back and make Greedo shoot first I don't see why that can't take some of these old movies full of hot little bobby-soxers and edit in some knockers.