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Employee of the Month

(2004)

This movie is fucking awful. Until the very end, it seems like it's about this drip who's flipping out because he lost his job and got dumped by Kelly Bundy on the same day. He gets a gun early on, and it's almost always worth wading through a crappy movie if you know there's going to be a workplace shooting at the end, so I was determined to stick it out, even though they make it pretty hard since the main dude keeps hanging out with this incredibly irritating hippie. I think the hippie's supposed to be funny, but every time he shows up it's like an endurance test since the guy who plays him completely sucks. "Steve Zahn"... I definitely need to write that name down so if I ever start to watch something with him in it again I'll know to turn it off and drink poison instead. He really is the worst part of an otherwise terrible movie. Anyway, it seems like things might be taking a turn for the better when Pam from The Office shows up as an all-expense paid hooker sent to screw the main dude (awesome awesome awesome) but then he decides to just talk to her! Are you fucking kidding me???? There's a word for the type of guy who would turn down Pam from The Office, and it rhymes with he's a goddamn faggot. Finally the main dude barges into work with the gun and it seems like we're finally gonna get down to business, but then out of nowhere it turns out that half the people in the movie are actually involved in this ridiculously complicated scam to rob a bank! What? Seriously, they just completely pulled that out of their dicks; it would only be slightly more retarded if aliens suddenly showed up and started killing everybody. As if that isn't bad enough, it all wraps up with like thirty twist endings, each one more idiotic than the last. It's like they had a contest where everyone who worked on the movie got to come up with a twist ending, but then they didn't want to hurt anybody's feelings so they just used all of them. Besides one decent stripper rack, the only good part is when Pam talks about playing with another chick's tits. That was fucking hot.