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End of the World

(1977)

This priest walks into a diner and says he needs to call the cops, but the phone explodes! Then the coffee machine explodes too and gets hot coffee all over the cook's face, so he has no choice but to throw himself through a neon sign! The priest does that little "bless you" thing over him (since the guy's dead now), then goes back to the convent where his clone is waiting for him!

Damn. Now that's how you start a movie. There's a bit of a dip in quality after that though. This scientist who's using a computer to track signals from outer space stops, drives home, dodges the sprinklers out front (don't get wet!), stands around for a while, macks on his wife, then comes back and gets right back on the computer! Christ, are they gonna show us every time he takes a leak, too? Get on with it. Finally after like 45 minutes of fucking around he finally tracks some of the signals down to the convent from the beginning. The first two times he investigates everybody there just ignores him or gives him the runaround, but eventually he finds out that the priest and all the nuns are actually alien duplicates! It turns out the aliens need the "zero time reference variance crystal" from the lab where the scientist works, so they take his mediocre wife hostage and force him to steal it. (I don't even think they make those anymore, so it's a good thing for the aliens that he kept coming back until they finally decided to capture him and force him to do their bidding.) In the end the aliens get their crystal, head home, and on the way out the door blow up the Earth! They say it's because Earth diseases are spreading all over the universe, but when it explodes it looks like it's full of glitter and candy, so I think the Earth was really just a giant interstellar piņata. It makes as much sense as anything else in this moronic movie.