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Eye of the Stalker

(1995)

Stalker movies make up like 75% of Lifetime's programming, and they're always exactly the same: the stalker will, say, break into a chick's apartment, trash the place, write "I'm going to kill you" in her cat's blood on the wall, jerk off on her bed, film himself doing all this shit, then send her the videotape Certified Mail with a signed letter that says "You die tomorrow!" The chick takes the video to the police and they always say something like this:

"It's not illegal to make a movie miss."

It's fucking retarded. I don't think anything is illegal in Lifetime movies, except maybe getting an abortion, or "caring too much". This one is even worse than usual because like halfway through the stalker gets confused and starts stalking the wrong chick! What the fuck? The main chick's mom hires a P.I. to help and he has the right idea ("Why don't you let me get a couple of bikers I know and we'll go over there..."), but in the end they decide to set this trap for the stalker and use the main chick as bait ("This is preposterous!" "No it isn't!" Yes, it is.). The stalker manages to like elude the P.I. and the cops though (by hiding behind a tree), so he almost gets the girl until she whips out an NRA Approved firearm, which I would like to point out would've solved the problem in the first fifteen minutes if she had thought of it, and is the only part of this flick that isn't completely idiotic. At least the chick getting stalked is pretty damn fine- I especially liked the parts where she was wearing a short skirt. There's always crazy-hot chicks in these Lifetime flicks; I think there should be a channel called "Lifetime for Men" where they show the same movies, except like alternate versions. Like the "Lifetime for Men" version of this movie would have the same story, except there would be three or four parts where we see the main chick's tits (plus maybe one where she masturbated), and in the end instead of getting arrested the stalker would actually get shot, fall off the roof, and possibly explode. If you work for Lifetime you need to get ahold of me ASAP so we can flesh this idea out and get the ball rolling or whatever. We're sitting on a fucking goldmine here.