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Female Neo-Ninjas

(1991)

My copy of this is in Japanese so I had no idea what was going on, but trust me when I say that whatever it was, it was fucking awesome. It starts with these three unbelievably fine little ninja girls busting up some yellow slavery deal, and when I say "unbelievably fine" I'm not kidding. When I first saw them I was like "That's impossible. Nobody can be that fine." But they are, and based solely on these three girls I hereby declare Asians the master race. Better luck next time, whitey.

So, later the female neo-ninjas are passing out flyers for a porn shop or something when they catch this news report; they act like it's kind of important, but things don't really start to pop off until this guy falls out of a time warp or something with a mysterious scroll. Suddenly ninjas are attacking everybody- they even jump this one dude while he's taking out the trash (you know, I actually worry about that sometimes). Later one of the female neo-ninjas gets kidnapped and sexually molested (she has terrific tits, by the way), so all the good guys ride to her rescue on their Schwinns after enjoying a delicious Coca-Cola. Then they wrap it all up with a totally insane ending that starts like a combination of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Close Encounters of the Third Kind and ends with a giant floating head blowing the main bad guy up. The whole thing kind of reminded me of the Power Rangers, except with tits and tons of ridiculous violence. It totally rocks.