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First Born

(2006)

Okay, this movie's fucking creepy. There's the spooky dance at the very beginning, the doll on the subway, the part where the main chick seems to go back in time and chase herself... What the fuck? I mean, it's not as freaky as Eraserhead, but that just makes it the second weirdest movie about getting stuck with a kid you didn't want ever made. The person who doesn't want a baby this time is Adventures in Babysitting (I guess this is supposed to be ironic), but instead of getting an abortion or putting the rugrat in her car and pushing it into the river she goes ahead and keeps it and then has some sort of flakey chick breakdown. I know this sounds like some Lifetime Original Movie-type bullshit, but trust me, it's totally bizarre and the end is fucking awesome. If your wife or girlfriend keeps bugging you about having a kid, get her to watch this flick first. I guarantee it'll nip that idea in the bud.

Hag Warning: Adventures in Babysitting's days of giving you multiple orgasms just by dancing around her bedroom to a Crystals song are way over. Mother Nature really is a total cunt.