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The Formula

(1980)

This movie has the formula all right- the formula for pissing me off. It has Nazis, evil oil cartel guys, people getting murdered, and even a part with some dancing swastika sweethearts, but it still manages to be completely boring. See, it turns out the Nazis figured out how to make fake gas, but there's a big cover-up and whenever someone finds out about it they get whacked. General Patton himself is on the case, but mostly all he does is talk to people and then leave right before they get shot. Seriously, it's pretty hilarious after a while. My favorite part is when somebody actually shoots at Patton and he grabs this little kid and uses him as a shield! What a cocksucker. (And don't try to tell me he was rescuing that kid- he knew damn well who those cats were gunning for and it wasn't the eight-year-old.) At least the end is cool- after all of Patton's hard work the main bad guy just shrugs his shoulders and fixes all the damage he did with one phone call! Ha ha! Better luck next time, General.

They should make a sequel where it turns out Patton's the guy who starts all those retarded "Don't buy gas on Tuesday" e-mails.