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From the Earth to the Moon

(1958)

This old-timey guy wants to invent the Cold War, but to prove to everybody that it'll work he has to shoot a missile at the moon. After a ridiculous amount of fucking around they finally launch the damn thing, with three dudes along for the ride plus a stowaway chick. (At the very beginning of the movie there's this parrot that makes some wisecrack, and I was like God damn it, this is gonna be a 'funny' parrot. Fuck. Amazingly enough though the parrot doesn't come along and we never see it again.) You would think the movie would kick into high gear at this point, but nope. It does turn out that one of the dudes sabotaged the missile and they're all probably doomed, but nobody seems to get too excited about it- they don't even lock the bad guy up! The best part is when the chick asks what's gonna happen; they just tell her "The most important thing for you is to have a first-rate supper waiting for us." Ha! Not much else goes down: they spend most of the time waiting, or occasionally saying things like "All we can do is wait." We never even get to see them on the moon! What a ripoff. What a piece of shit. Fuck this movie.