Giant Claw

I hate the Giant Claw. It can't pick up shit, then when you get pissed and put your fist through the glass the manger is all like "You owe us 900 dollars!" Nine hundred eight dollars and twenty-five cents for a goddamned stuffed porcupine. Fucking assholes.

Anyway, that's not what this movie is about. This movie is about a gigantic, awesome/hilarious bird that's going around knocking toy airplanes out of the sky. Check it out:

My favorite is when it attacks this plane the main guy is in and he makes an emergency landing: everybody gets out, the plane blows up, and then they throw a bunch of burning wood right at the actors! I guess they didn't have OSHA back then. At first the main guy is pretty much the only one who's seen it ("That makes me chief cook and bottle-washer in a one-man bird watcher's society," he says. What?), but pretty soon it's causing panic, terror, and horror (and, later, more panic and nightmare terror). Even worse, there's no way to kill it because it has an atomic force field or something. This movie came out in the 1950s though, so you know they'll come up with some super-scientific gizmo to destroy the force field, and as soon as they do it only takes a couple of rounds (pussy) to drop that sucker into the drink:

They should've had the bird flip everyone off right here. That would've been hysterical.

Okay, I'll admit the Giant Claw isn't as badass as, say, Rodan or Q the Winged Serpent, and even while they were making it the people who came up with this movie had to be like "We are gonna get mocked for decades for this," but I liked it anyway. Really, how often do you get to see a giant, ratty space vulture with a mohawk flying around eating parachute guys right out of the sky? Unless you have access to the stuff I have access to, not very often, so I suggest you check this out.

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