Gummi Bears 1

Everybody knows "gummi bears" are candy, but Walt Disney actually made a cartoon out of them in the 1980s because in the 1980s people would make a goddamn cartoon out of anything. There was a Rubik's Cube cartoon for fuck's sake. I still don't know why anyone thought they had to make a cartoon based on candy (When's the last time you wished there was a show called like "The Nutrageous Variety Hour" or "The Adventures of Hershey's with Almonds"?), but if it had to be done at least they did an okay job since you can actually watch this show without puking and wanting to smash the DVD after like two episodes. Considering how long it takes to get pissed off at most Disney shit - like The Lion King - (about five seconds) that's seriously an achievement. Of course this is mostly about the bears, but everybody knows that the best thing about Disney cartoons are the hot princesses*, and fortunately Gummi Bears has a hot princess in it, too. She's pretty young, but this show happens in medieval times and back then it was okay to marry like 12-year-olds and shit, so I don't feel bad about saying that I'd nail her in a second. I didn't pay as much attention when she wasn't on the screen, but the rest of the time the gummi bears bounced around and got into fights and I think they even killed some people. It was a pretty good cartoon, I guess. Damn Disney princesses are hot. I have to go to the bathroom...

* Especially the Little Mermaid- I'm pretty sure an angel loses his wings every time I think about that chick.

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