Home

Hand of Death

(1962)

This scientist dude is trying to make a new kind of nerve gas or some such shit, but he ends up discovering the fake tan by accident. It has like this bad side-effect though: every time he touches someone they burn to death. When he kills his lab assistant by mistake, the scientist sets the lab on fire to cover up the crime then drives home and hides in the bedroom! What a moron. Some of his friends try to help him find an antidote, but after a while he turns into this monster that looks like a cross between the Thing from the Fantastic Four and Notorious B.I.G. and decides to go after his whiny, ugly, annoying girlfriend- in his car. I'm sorry, but a monster chasing you in an old station wagon isn't very scary- in fact, his reign of terror or whatever is derailed when he gets a flat tire, so he has to try to take a cab! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This monster was so damn lame that it's no surprise that when the cops finally corner him in the end all it takes is one bullet to put an end to his pathetic rampage. What a fucking loser- if there was a school for monsters, he would be the one who had to use the rounded scissors and rode the short bus.