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Hiding Out

(1987)

The Famous Teddy Z is being chased by the mob, so he decides to hide out at his 16-year-old cousin's place until the heat is off. While he's there he figures, what the hell, why not go back to high school and score some underage ass? But will Teddy Z be able to handle today's wacky kids with their checkered sunglasses and their Pretty Poison music and their hopefully lax statutory rape laws? Watch this movie to find out. Or better yet don't, since absolutely nothing happens in it. Seriously, all Teddy Z does is go to a few classes, hang out, and smoke some cigarettes. That's what real high school kids do! Why the hell make a movie about a grown-up who goes back to high school if he's not gonna do anything different or interesting while he's there??? For real, they could've left out the whole high school angle completely and they only would've had to change like two or three sentences. That's so fucking weak. It's boring, it's not funny, and the only truly hot piece (the main chick's best friend) never gets naked (which isn't that big of a surprise I guess since she's only in the movie for like twenty seconds). She's pretty damn fine though so I'll give this flick one star for her, and one swift kick in the junk for everything else.