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The House of the Dead

(1978)

This joker gets caught in the rain, so he goes into a funeral home to wait it out (the only other building around is a bar that serves Coors, so frankly I think he made the right call). While he's waiting, the funeral guy decides to tell him some stories:

Story #1: A teacher who hates kids gets killed by a bunch of freaky kids wearing Halloween masks. Some of them are clown masks too. Obviously there's not much to this, but I'll have to admit it was pretty disturbing. Fucking kids. Fucking clown masks.

Story #2: This guy who doesn't drink or smoke, films all his dates, and has a ridiculously short fuse somehow gets girls to go out with him anyway, and it shouldn't be any surprise that he murders all of them. Too bad the murders are totally weak. The one he strangles with her own nylons is pretty cute though. They should've shown her naked.

Story #3: These two detective dudes are supposedly big rivals, but considering the dinner date they go on - complete with candles, wine, and a rose in the middle of the table - I think they totally fancy each other. The fact that they end up killing each other is the final piece of proof as far as I'm concerned. Queers.

Story #4: This cat won't go to lunch with a co-worker or give money to bums, so he gets locked up and tortured and given nothing to eat or drink but wine. When they finally let him go he's an alcoholic and dies years later of liver disease.

Wow. This really sucked.