House of Wax

(2005)

The main thing everybody knows about this movie is that Paris Hilton and the chick from The Girl Next Door are in it, but even though neither one of them gets naked you should see it anyway because it fucking rules. There's tons of great shit: the kid from Supernatural gets the Judge Smails treatment, people get covered in wax while they're still alive,* a chick gets her mouth superglued shut and her finger snipped off with cutting pliers, a face gets peeled off, there's an awesome decapitation, Paris Hilton does a strip tease and gets a pole through the head, and in the end there's this huge bloody fight in a house that's melting. How wicked is that?

Remember back when Rob Zombie was talking all this shit about making like the ultimate 1970s-style horror movie and then the best he could come up with was House of 1000 Corpses? I mean, that movie didn't completely suck ass or anything, but this one rocks a hundred times harder, so I guess technically that means Paris Hilton is cooler & more badass than Rob Zombie. Who would have guessed?

*I used to know a chick who was into that.

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