
Video Picks for Perverts
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(1988)
A couple of teenage hotties (the main one is that incomprehensibly fine cheerleader from the good version of The Blob, and the other one looks like she fell out of the 1980s tree and hit every branch on the way down, and I mean that in the best possible way) are home alone, bored out of their minds with nothing to do. Instead of experimenting with lesbianism (dammit), they decide to crank call people, which you could still do back when this movie was made because they didn't have Caller I.D. or GPS tracking or any of that shit. In fact, they didn't even have cell phones. In the 1980s you could literally go for years without hearing anyone talk about ring tones. In some ways it was a better time.
"He says his name is 'Mr. Satanism' and he wants to know what color my panties are!" Anyhow, it turns out that one guy they call just happens to be a deranged lunatic who just murdered his girlfriend, and due to their complete idiocy he figures out who the main chick is and comes after her. Unfortunately, it takes forever for this to happen: 50 minutes in the killer is still puttering around his apartment while the girl he needs to kill is on the other side of town! And then he tells his brother he's gonna take a nap! Get off your slacker ass and go after that bitch, you apathetic maniac. Christ. Then when he finally does hop in his ride and head towards her place he runs a red light, gets chased by the cops, accidentally drives off a cliff, and has to hitch the rest of the way! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! This dipshit couldn't kill time; no wonder he ends up being defeated by a teenager, a little girl, and a dog. Duh.
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YOU don't have to PUT UP with the HIP.