Jerk Too

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The Jerk, Too

(1984)

Watching this movie is like stepping in dog shit. With your mouth. The five people who actually saw it the one time it was on TV in the 1980s probably thought they imagined the whole thing, but some limey assholes actually put it out on DVD so now its existence is confirmed and everyone can suffer. This time there's a new Jerk, and his big goal is to get to California so he can go to his friend's wedding. Her dad isn't amused by his addlebrained, fucktard antics though (something he has in common with anyone watching this piece of crap), so he bans him from the entire event. Later the Jerk Too gets kidnapped, there's a car chase, and it all ends with a pie fight which might have been acceptable if this was made in the 1940s but now that I think about it, no it wouldn't.

For real, this is fucking horrible- they mostly forget to have any jokes at all, but then when they do sneak one in it's completely incomprehensible. Like for example, during the chase this one dude crashes his car into a bunch of chickens, so his buddy says "Who taught you to drive? The Colonel?" Are they trying to say that KFC kills the chickens they serve in their restaurant by running them over with a car? Or was the Colonel known for being a notoriously bad driver and the fact that these cats just happened to run into some chickens supposed to be extra ironic? Irregardless, this whole movie sucks a bucket of ass and if you ask me the real jerks are the ones who made it, and by "jerks" I mean "talentless hacks who should have their hands cut off so they can never write anything again".

New rule: the next person who comes up with a sequel that uses "too" instead of "2" in the title because it's so clever & original gets my foot so far up their ass that I'll kick their fucking teeth out from the inside.

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