Home

K9000

(1989)

Seriously, how fucking gay is it that cops call their dogs "K-9"? Oh that's so clever. Here's an idea: why don't you stop trying to be clever and catch some crooks, you witless fucks? Anyway, in this TV program that they only made one episode of a cop teams up with a super smart dog that has a microchip in its head and talks to him Cat from Outer Space style. Of course he's the only one who hears the dog, because it can't really talk and he's actually schizophrenic. I wish I wasn't kidding because that would actually be a pretty interesting show and the truth is way more stupid: what really happens is that the cop accidentally gets the implant you need to hear the dog injected into his ear. How convenient. And by "convenient" of course I mean "retarded". The retardedness doesn't stop there, either: it turns out you can use the dog's ear as a cell phone, and later the dog doesn't know what a fire hydrant is even though it has access to this databank full of all sorts of crazy information. My favorite part though is when the dog jumps out a window and they throw this hysterically fake dog puppet through the air. And what's with having the cop hate machines? Wouldn't it be more ironic if he hated dogs? On the plus side this is pretty fucking violent for an old TV show, and I did like this conversation between the dog and the cop after they both get shot:

Dog: "It's okay, Eddie, I'm alright. I've still got three good legs."
Cop: "Yeah, me too."

I assume Eddie's talking about his dick here. That's great.