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Kings of South Beach

(2007)

Donnie Walberg shows up at this super trendy club looking for a job. In case you've never seen a movie before, here's how you know a club is supposed to be super trendy:

1. They only play unbelievably shitty techno (defined as any techno)
2. They have a velvet rope
3. They only let certain people in, because who wants a bunch of riff-raff barging into your club and spending all kinds of money? Of course there's always a part where they turn some jackhole away so he throws a huge fit and the bouncers have to kick the shit out of him.
4. All the chicks are doing blow

Pretty soon Donnie's helping out with all kinds of criminal shit, but he's got everybody fooled because he's really an undercover cop out to bust the place. So basically this is just an episode of Miami Vice, except guest-starring the New Kids on The Block instead of Phil Collins, which may or may not be an improvement depending on how you look at it. Naturally there's tons of hot floozies running around, but none of them gets naked which is completely pointless since this movie happens in South Beach and chicks who hang out in South Beach aren't exactly good for much with their clothes on. In fact, if somebody invented a machine that would give you a handjob every time you poured cocaine into it there'd be no reason to talk to chick from South Beach at all. In short, watching this is like watching the version of Scarface they show on TV with all the swear words and cool shit cut out, except you have to also imagine that the guy who makes the Star Wars movies stopped by and used his computer to replace Scarface with a New Kid.