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Knocked Up

(2006)

All the guys who were in Freaks & Geeks and Undeclared are in this movie as unemployed losers trying to start a porn site (which is probably what they're doing in real life, too). Don't let that fool you though; it's really about true love and having babies and all that queer shit chicks like, and they're just trying to disguise it with a bunch of jokes. The cocksucking motherfuckers. Most of the jokes aren't even that good; like in one part, this guy says that being married is like "an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond", but there already is an unfunny version of Everybody Loves Raymond. It's called Everybody Loves Raymond. The basic story is that the main dude accidentally knocks this broad up, and since he's not the type of guy who would just push her down a flight of stairs you know that they'll fall in love, get into a fight , break up, get back together just in time for the kid to hit air, and then live "happily ever after". Every one of these movies is exactly the same; couldn't they have thrown in at least one twist? Like maybe the baby dies or something? That would've been hilarious. It's like an established fact that any movie that ends with someone having a baby fucking sucks (unless of course the baby is really a monster that immediately starts killing people), but this one is extra bad because it pretends to be all Kevin Smith even though watching it will cause your vagina to swell to ridiculously huge proportions. And since this flick is around seven or eight hours long, by the end you'll probably be able to see it from space (your vagina I mean, not the movie). There's no reason for a movie like this to be so long- I don't think it even takes that long to have an actual baby. My mom always said she was in labor for like 19 hours or some such shit, but she usually said it after I set the barn on fire or fed the dog laxatives, so I think she was just trying to make a point or something.