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Lady Scarface

(1941)

Can you imagine a flick where some hot-ass Cuban whore with huge tits just runs around doing blow and shooting everyone in sight? It would make perfect sense, because Cuban chicks are almost always totally fucking crazy and pissed-off. That would be one awesome movie, but don't get your hopes up because this doesn't have anything to do with the cool Scarface. In fact, it was made in the 1940s, which means you're lucky if someone says "hell" or you see a particularly hot pair of ankles. You know, except for the Nazis the 1940s were pretty fucking lame; say what you will, those goose-stepping bastards knew how to have a good time. So anyway, the movie starts with this ugly lady gangster* and her boys pulling a heist. Chicks aren't very good at crime though (unless you count shoplifting eyeliner), so she makes it all ridiculously complicated, with fake want ads and codes and drop points and all sorts of crazy shit. They only stole 10,000 dollars! After they split it between the seven people involved and cover all their ridiculous expenses they might as well have just gotten honest jobs. Even worse for them, everyone is on the case, including two normal cops, a "funny" rent-a-cop, and a chick reporter (kinda pug-faced, but doable). It's a pretty dumb movie; the only good part is when the main cop cranks down the reporter and we get to see a little full-frontal. Actually I'm lying. That doesn't happen.

*She is always disguising herself as a maid, so maybe she is Cuban.