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The Langoliers

(1995)

Some people on an airplane find out that everybody in the world disappeared while they were sleeping. Here's who's left:

• A dork who wears socks with sandals

• A teacher

• A token black guy

• A writer. He's way ahead of the curve and figures out a bunch of stuff before anybody else does; the only problem is that he won't tell anybody anything without dropping all these hints and keeping them in suspense for a while first. I guess it makes him feel important.

• An assassin. Don't worry, he's the "nice" kind.

• A complete asshole to go crazy and fuck everything up. (It's Balki!)

• A blind kid with ESP, because this is a Stephen King movie and Stephen King can't write directions to the fucking mall for somebody without putting a person with ESP in there someplace.

• A Wedge Antilles*

• A ridiculously hot chick. This is a little off topic, but I think I'm in love with her.

• A pilot, because without him this movie would just be about a plane crashing into the ground

The pilot lands the plane, and after they wander around this airport for a while they finally figure out that they went back in time. There's no time to take in the ambiance or whatever though, because something's coming to punch all their tickets if they don't get the fuck outta Dodge ASAP. They take off again, and just in time too because suddenly the worst cartoon effects ever show up and start eating everything in sight, including Balki which frankly I've been waiting for since the 1980s so that part was awesome. They go back the way they came, find the time warp or whatever (it looks like a huge, glowing pussy), fly through, and everybody lives happily ever after, except for Balki, and a few other people who got stabbed or disintegrated. The hot chick never gets naked, but she isn't wearing a bra and it looks like it was kind of cold when they were making this so that's something at least. I decided to look her up and her name's "Kimber Riddle". That's like the hottest name ever. If you're reading this Kimber, will you marry me? I promise to be really pussywhipped if that's what it takes.

*A "Wedge Antilles" is a guy who doesn't really do anything, but survives anyway just so the movie can have an extra survivor.