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The Last War

(1961)

From the cover you would think that the war in this movie is between America and Russia. Or is the bear the symbol of Canada? I can never remember. Irregardless, the soldiers they show aren't from any of those countries. In fact, I don't think I've ever seen the kind of threads they're wearing: 

What the hell is that insignia? It looks like a 6 with a giant eye underneath it, or maybe a comet about to hit the Death Star. Who has a uniform like that? This is a Japanese movie, so before they changed it to English they were probably supposed to be space aliens or something. I guess it doesn't matter, since this is the most boring war movie ever made: it takes over an hour of yammering and little Japanese kids singing "It's a Small World After All" and some seriously frustrating near misses (like when the OUTBREAK OF WAR light comes on by mistake) before there's actually a war. When it finally happens it is pretty sweet: everybody drops the bomb so there's buildings and airliners and submarines and trains blowing up all over the place (and of course these are all Godzilla-style buildings and shit, which makes it even better). The best is when the Eiffel Tower melts- take that, you rifle-dropping frogs. There's way too much putzing around before they get to the good stuff though, so even with this level of destruction I'm going to have to declare this movie weak.

Oh shit.