Home

The Lords of Magick

(1988)

When somebody spells "magic" with a "k" that usually means that they're not talking about the guy who did tricks at your thirteenth birthday party (dork)- they're talking about some seriously badass supernatural shit, and something pretty amazing is about to go down. Not this time though. This evil wizard kidnaps a princess (and I don't blame him- nice fucking legs) and takes her into the future (you know, regular times), so these other two bozos follow him into the future to save her. They end up hooking up with this regular joe, so they tell him that they'll teach him how to be a wizard too if he helps them out (you know Dungeons & Dragons geeks watching this stupid movie are all like "Man that would be awesome!" and high fiving each other when they get to this part). Quests and shit were really complicated in the old days (I know because I've seen all the Deathstalker movies), but not anymore I guess: these guys just drive a car over to where the princess is and pick her up. Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! That's ridiculous. Of course the evil wizard doesn't take that lying down, so he comes after them and they have their final battle in a big warehouse full of empty boxes, I assume because the cop show that was being made there finished early that day. Movies like this are supposed to be heavy on the dragons and monsters and topless chicks with swords, and pretty light on the cardboard boxes. These guys have it all mixed up. Jackasses.