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Lost in the Bermuda Triangle

(1999)

This chick who has cancer gets pregnant, and her doctor says she can either have the baby, or not die. If I was her husband I'd make the decision myself and gut-punch her, but then he'd always be known as the guy who punched a pregnant woman with cancer in the stomach, and that's the kind of thing you never live down, trust me. So instead he decides to take her to Bermuda so they can think about it,* but that doesn't turn out to be such a good idea either because she disappears in the Bermuda Triangle. The husband rounds up this scientist chick and a sea captain to go looking for her, and they end up sailing into this mysterious cloud and finding a weird island where there's places that teleport you around and... wait a minute! This is just The Fantastic Journey, except without the annoying kid! They probably figured they could slip that one right by us because nobody would waste their time watching or remembering such a ridiculous, dumb show, but they didn't count on Mr. Satanism!  And this version doesn't even have a hot chick going for it, so it's even more pointless. In the end the main guy doesn't get his wife back, but he does end up with a little boy. He doesn't seem to mind the trade-off though, which kind of makes you wonder what he plans on doing to that kid. Probably the same thing this boring, asinine movie did to us.

*That's the kind of thing rich people do when they need to mull things over. The rest of us have to settle for the crapper.