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Mama Dracula

(1980)

Here's a few things I'd rather do than watch this movie again:

Drown in a septic tank
Watch my fiancé get raped by a German Shepherd
Eat out my grandmother

It's basically about these vampires who run a clothing store so they can kidnap virgins out of the dressing room. A bunch of the virgins pop out their tits before they get snagged, and thank God some of them are hot because believe me when I say there's absolutely nothing else worth seeing in this miserable cunt of a movie. There is one good joke ("Oh, shit... Gold."), but other than that it's a boring, lame, weak, annoying, unfunny, ass-forsaken, soul-crushing piece of cock-sucking shit. The worst thing about it are the obnoxious Jew-nosed faggot vampire twins who spend the whole flick running around acting wacky. I'm sure whoever made this movie thought that getting these two jerkoffs was a real coup, and that's because whoever made this movie is a fucking asshole; they're the most irritating piss-sucking fucks I've ever seen in my entire goddamned life, and I hereby swear that I'm gonna spend a few minutes every day for the rest of my life praying for their deaths. And I have to ask: why do vampires always have to jump through so many hoops to find virgins? Aren't most little kids virgins? The last time I checked there were little kids everywhere; unless you live in Gary Glitter's neighborhood it really shouldn't be that big of a problem.