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The Manitou

(1978)

It seems this broad has an evil baby Indian growing out of her fucking neck. (So that's why chicks don't like it when you blow your load in their mouth.) Her doctor* tries to it cut out, but the baby uses magic to make him cut his own hand instead. Meanwhile, the broad's ex-husband is pretending he knows how to read tarot cards when this old lady he's scamming does a little jig, floats down the hall, and falls down the stairs (this might be the best scene of an old person falling down the stairs ever by the way- it's fucking hilarious). Both these dames say "Manwich; salad, too" (or something), so that clinches it- they're possessed. The ex-husband goes to a gypsy for help, and of course she suggests a séance (stupid gypsies- that's their answer to everything). When that doesn't solve the problem they go this expert on Indians, who just happens to be the Penguin. You'd think it would be an actual Indian, but nope. The Penguin. He tells them to find a medicine man, but first the doctor tries to cut the evil Indian baby out with a laser. I guess he borrowed it from Buck Rogers or something though, because it goes bonkers and shoots the whole hospital up. Finally the evil Indian is born- and he's a midget! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! I can't believe they worked a midget in too! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! In the end the midget has a huge magical fight with the medicine man the good guys dug up, and it's fucking hysterical- the best parts are probably when this nurse gets frozen and her head pops off, or when the good Indian goes "I tried to stop him" and the main guy says "Who?" Who??? The fucking evil magic Indian dude you've been fighting for the last hour! Jesus, pay attention to what's going on once in a while.

This flick was fucking unbelievable- I can honestly say I've never seen so much goddamn stupid shit in one movie. Seriously- I didn't even bring up the part where they all go into outer space, or the giant lizard, or when the Devil shows up, or the very end where the main guy says he's sad because the evil Indian didn't want to be friends. I think the fact that somebody actually let them make a movie about an Indian growing out of a person's neck got these people drunk with power or something and they just had to see how much ridiculous shit they could sneak into it. Well I hope they had a good time, because it's a pretty safe bet that none of them ever worked again.

*Nice jacket, Captain Fashion- you better hope Century 21 doesn't miss it. And along the same lines, what's the Bat Computer doing  in your office?