Home

Mannequin: On the Move

(1991)

Son of a fuckbag, everything in this movie is cranked up to 11. Let's see if I can explain that... You know how shows like Hannah Montana are all over-the-top and shit because kids are total spazzes and that's the only way they'll glom what's going on? Like everybody's really loud and overacts and the jokes are really easy to understand but they still repeat them two or three times and throw in some goofy sound effects just to make extra sure you get it? Well this whole movie is like that and needless to say it's unbelievably irritating. And talk about out of touch. Seriously, this came out in 1991 but it's the most 1983-looking movie I've ever seen, and that's saying a lot. Where did you even find a skinny tie in 1991? The story is basically the same as the first Mannequin: a mannequin comes to life and falls in love with some dork, while a gay black fag runs around shrieking like a woman. I might be missing some subtleties and shit because I never saw Mannequin 1 (Chick in reception: "You never saw Mannequin??? Are you serious?"  Me: "You're fired."), but that's the general gist of it. The twist this time is that there's a bad guy who's also in lust with the mannequin, so he steals/kidnaps it. I think that's the one thing these Mannequin movies really boil down to, even though they try to gloss it over: what everybody basically wants is to have sex, possibly anal, with a mannequin. I won't say I haven't been there, but it's still a little disturbing. There are a couple of good jokes (like the Diet Pepsi/water thing), but mostly it's just antics, and I don't care how hot a chick is (and I will admit, the mannequin chick is pretty fucking hot), there are two things I cannot stand in a relationship and they are drama and madcap antics. Frankly if I was the main guy I would've hooked up with the brunette perfume girl from the beginning instead. Even money she'd give it up on the first date, and it probably wouldn't be the least bit zany.