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Man with the Screaming Brain

(2005)

Bruce Campbell is turning into that guy you know who's super cool, but every time you hang out with him you wake up the next day and all your vodka's gone and he's passed out on the bathroom floor with his dick in your sister. In other words, if you're gonna go ahead and watch this stupid movie you better squirt a whole tube of hand lotion up your ass, because you're in for one hell of a buggering. It starts with Bruce Campbell going to some foreign country and getting killed by this hot chick right after his smokin' wife dumps him (tough break, ace). This mad scientist (Mike Hammer) mixes some other dude's brain with Bruce's brain and brings Bruce back to life but of course the two brains fight so Bruce beats the shit out of himself like he does in every movie. The chick who killed Bruce kills his wife too, so the mad scientist puts her brain in a breakdancing robot and Bruce, the robot, and the chick who killed them both all chase each other around and fight. I know the chick who was killing everybody was supposed to be the bad guy, but she was so hot she even looked good in a wedding dress* so I was really hoping she'd end up winning. There's no gore and, worst of all, no tits. I don't know what Bruce Campbell does with all the money he gets from the thirty different DVD versions of Army of Darkness and all the limited-edition statues of him they sell at comic book stores,** but he really ought to use some of it to hire someone who can help him make another good movie one of these days. I mean, what the fuck?

Oh well, at least it was better than Alien Apocalypse.

*Newsflash to chicks: We don't think you look good in wedding dresses, even when they cost $8000. We think you look good in Hooter's outfits and Catholic schoolgirl uniforms. In fact, if there was some way you could wear a Hooter's outfit and a Catholic schoolgirl uniform at the same time, that would be like the height of fashion to us.

**Who buys that stupid shit?