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Mansquito

(2004)

These scientists are experimenting on these mosquitoes when this criminal dude starts shooting up the place and everything explodes. He gets all covered with mosquitoes and radiation and shit but he manages to escape through this vent or something that leads to the parking garage. You wouldn't think that a laboratory with all this super-expensive equipment and stuff would have this huge vent that anyone could just crawl in through, but that shows how much you know. When the dude gets out in the garage his skin starts to bubble and his one arm turns into like this bug arm, but he decides to continue his getaway anyhow. I guess he figures he can get that looked at when he gets to Belize or whatever. Not too smart- pretty soon he's totally turned into the Mansquito.

If this was a comic book, it would be about time for Peter Parker to take care of business, but since this is a Sci-Fi Channel movie, the best they can come up with is Parker Lewis. Parker Lewis is pretty smart, though: As soon as he finds out the lab used radiation he knows damn well there's a monster running around, because that's how it works. His ugly girlfriend isn't so bright though- she was in the lab when it blew up too, and she's turning into like a Chicksquito, but she can't even be bothered to go to the emergency room or even take a Tylenol or something. Stupid clit.

Anyway, Parker Lewis finally takes his girl to the hospital, but Mansquito is in the mood for love so he comes after her. He wastes a shitload of cops Terminator-style, and of course in the end it's up to Parker Lewis to take his ass down. It's easy to talk shit about a movie called "Mansquito", but I gotta give it props: it was gory as fuck for a TV movie, the monster looked pretty cool, and the idea of a chick fucking a giant mosquito is awesome, even though you know they're not really gonna show it. Besides, how many more movies do you think they'll make that have a part where Parker Lewis tasers a giant mosquito to keep it from humping his girlfriend?