Home

McCinsey's Island

(1998)

Hulk Hogan is this spy who lives on an island with his dumb teenage sidekick (think Jimmy Olsen, except even more annoying). One day when they're rolling around beating people up and stealing their jet skis, they find this big turtle with a treasure map and "1876" carved into its shell ("Looks like cuts made by a human," says Hulk. Great detective skills, Murder She Wrote, we never would have figured that out.). Grace Jones wants to know where the treasure is, so she starts blowing up all of Hulk's shit and kidnaps his little buddy. Hulk and this other spy dude decide they better take care of business, but I don't think they're too concerned about the sidekick because the first time they "rescue" him they accidentally leave him behind, and on their way back to try and save him again they stop once to eat and twice to take a nap. It's a pretty stupid movie, but I'm not gonna talk too much smack about it because I don't want to get the shit kicked out of me. That Grace Jones'll fuck you up.