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Midnight Cabaret

(1988)

This is one of those movies where they keep mixing up real stuff that's happening, dreams, and a play the people in the movie are doing. With a movie like this the only thing you can really do is knock back a couple of shots and wait for the tits. It starts out with a bunch of naked guys, though, so I wasn't too happy (naked guys in movies suck), and it gets worse because the main chick really isn't all that and her best friend is one of those chicks who thinks she's really clever but is just super annoying. Like she acts all cool when she leaves her jeep in the middle of the street because there's no place to park, and later when they go to eat she tells the waiter they have three imaginary friends with them just to fuck with him. I guess she's thinking she's all witty and edgy and shit, but personally I find it hard to be "edgy" when your car's in the impound lot and you have a mouth full of cum because a pissed-off waiter rubbed one out in your coffee. That's just me though.

So anyway, all the main chick's friends start getting wasted, and she ends up getting blamed. The detective on the case finds the script of the play she's in, and since everything in the script is happening in real life he guesses that someone is, you know, imitating the script. Oh, no, wait- that would make sense. Actually he guesses that it's all because of the Devil. In this case his random, retarded theory is right, though, because suddenly she's bursting at the seams with Satan Jr. and just about ready to pop him out. The Satanists who are behind it all kidnap her, but the cop tracks them down and threatens to shoot the pregnant chick right in the stomach. That would have been fucking awesome, but of course this shitbag movie pusses out and she just throws herself out a window. That's so weak.

And after all this crazy shit there weren't even any naked chicks! What a piece of crap.