Home

Miner's Massacre

(2003)

This old-time western dude gets all pissed off because this guy found his gold, so he comes back as a zombie and kills him. Then the guy's friends come along and the zombie kills them too. He doesn't fuck around and drag his feet killing them one at a time, either- he just marches into their camp with a pickaxe and starts offing people right in front of everybody. This sped things up a bit, which was good because this movie fucking sucked. The only hot chick is super bitchy and gets decapitated without ever showing her tits, and even though everybody else always seems to be fucking we never see anything except a couple of bare asses, and one of those is a dude. In the end when they kill the zombie it isn't even gory- they just shoot him with a flare gun and he falls on this pile of dynamite and dies that way, like so many cartoon coyotes before him. If there's ever an Academy Award for lame, this movie should get it, and it can be accepted by the girl who played the bitchy chick right after she gives me a hummer outside in the limo.