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Moonraker

(1979)

Everybody seems to think this flick is a piece of shit, but as someone who used to have most of the bubblegum cards* trust me, it's not that bad. There are some stupid parts, like when they have this boat chase and a pigeon does a double-take or whatever and of course somebody looks at the bottle of booze they're drinking because wow, they must be really hammered to see all this crazy shit going down, right? Maybe it's time they went on the wagon! Ha ha! Fuck off. And why did they have to bring back that idiot with the metal teeth? I don't care how tall his ass is- a retard with braces isn't a very good bad guy. But for some reason they thought he was awesome enough to be in two James Bond movies! Even worse, at the end he becomes James Bond's friend! What the fuck? They should've just brought back Sheriff J. W. Pepper too and had all three of them team up. They could've been like the Superfriends or something. James Bond lays miles of pipe, but as usual there's not a tit to be seen; James Bond may be a pimp, but sometimes I think the people who make his movies must be queers. Then there's the end, where everybody has a huge laser gun fight like it's a lost episode of Buck Rogers or something. You know, now that I think about it, this movie is kind of a piece of shit. Fuck Moonraker.

Collect them all. This movie's so retarded.

*I swear to fuck there was no #54 ("Fished out by Jaws!"), I don't care what they say. I bought like a hundred packs looking for that bitch. Fuck you, Topps.