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The Greatest Adventure:
Stories from the Bible
Moses

(1985)

Hanna-Barbera made a whole bunch of these cartoons about two dipshit teenagers and their homeless friend who go back in time to Bible days. In this one they get stuck in the story of how the slaves got freed (they leave out a lot of important shit like the Battle of Shiloh, but you get the general idea). At first the kids get caught and made into slaves too ("This slavery is back-breaking work!"), but fortunately for their monkey asses this guy Moses shows up and starts sounding off:  He has one of his boys turn a stick into a snake, and when that doesn't wow 'em he turns all the water in town into blood. Moses ends up getting punked, though, because the boss just makes all the slaves do even more work digging new wells. Nice job, dick. Moses tries some other tricks, like sending frogs, flies and hail against the bad guys, but that doesn't impress anybody either. Two words, Moses: poison spiders. Anyway, the kids figure they better take matters into their own hands so they run away, but just then Moses makes this darkness come down and nobody can see so they come back. What the fuck? This could have gone on forever, but Moses finally decides to play hardball and starts killing babies. The bad guys give up and let Moses and all the slaves go, but then they change their minds and come after them again. Fortunately their leader is a complete fucking moron, so he leads them right into this trap and Moses drops an entire ocean on them (I'll give Moses props here: you don't see that kind of shit every day). Mostly this cartoon was pretty gay, but it did have more infanticide than, say, the Laff-a-Lympics.