My Bloody Valentine

(1981)

Back in the 1980s they made a slasher movie for almost every holiday there was. In fact, I think they ran out and actually invented a few holidays just in case they needed some more to make slasher movies out of in the future (at least that's where I assume Dr. Prof. Martin Luther "Luke" King Jr. Esquire, LLC Day came from). In this one the slasher is a guy in a mining outfit, which doesn't really have anything to do with Valentine's Day but I suppose having him dress like a naked baby angel would have been pretty gay, so I'll let that slide.* This isn't as gory as it could have been, but there are a few good parts, like when this old bat gets stuffed in a dryer and dried to death, or when the killer leaves this bloody heart for the sheriff to find and stray dogs eat it. Plus it definitely rules to see all these assholes who are in love get whacked, especially when you're stuck spending Valentine's Day alone, drunk, and watching slasher movies.

*Actually, if the slasher was a chick and she dressed like a naked angel that would've been sort of hot. Too bad they didn't think of that.

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