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Mysterious Island

(1961)

Some Civil War cats swipe a balloon, but they end up blowing clear across the U.S. and landing on - that's right - a mysterious island. They get attacked by a giant crab, giant bees, and an... emu... or something. What's really weird though is that everything they need - a compass, tools, guns, a telescope, even pussy - just keeps washing up on shore. Finally it turns out it's all the work of Captain Nemo, the 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea guy! Well except for the pussy, that was just dumb luck. In the end Captain Nemo outfits everybody with scuba gear (Made out of giant seashells. Duh.), laser rifles, and high-speed internet access so they can raise a sunken pirate ship and get the fuck outta Dodge before - what else - the volcano erupts. This movie's kind of ridiculous if you stop and think about it, but between all the kickass monsters and the main chick's amazing legs chances are you probably won't:

Nothing mysterious about this island. Wait, that's totally meaningless. How about: I'd sure like
to be Captain of her Nemo. No, that makes even less sense. Let's see... She sure makes my
volcano... No... Ah, hell. This chick is hot. This chick is hot and I want to have sex with her.