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Night at the Museum

(2006)

The main guy from The Ben Stiller Show (I forget his name) gets a job at the museum, but what he doesn't know is that at night this magic tablet makes all the skeletons and statues come to life! So do they go on a rampage and kill him, plus everybody else? No (weak); instead it turns out that part of his job is keeping them from escaping. Why? Because if they're outside when the sun comes up, they turn to dust. So... it's not really his problem then, is it? Anyway, the main guy from The Dick Van Dyke Show (I forget his name too) and his shady friends steal the tablet, so the Ben Stiller guy and a bunch of animals, cowboys, Civil War cats, and all sorts of other historical clowns have to chase them down and get it back.* On the plus side there's a hot tour guide chick, Charlie Murphy shows up, and in one part that human vagina Robin Williams gets cut in half. On the bad side the chick never gets naked, Charlie Murphy is only in it for like a second, and Robin Williams doesn't actually die. And there's some parts that are just fucking stupid. Like how can miniature people drive around a remote-control car? It's not like it's a real car- it doesn't actually have an engine and a transmission and shit. What a dumb movie.

*Before it's too late.