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A Nightmare on Elm Street
Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

(1985)

Frankly I've never been a big fan of hilarious child molester Freddy Krueger. For one thing, the names of his movies are too complicated. I mean, "A Nightmare on Elm Street" is pretty snazzy, but when the sequels have to stretch it out to "A Nightmare on Elm Street, Part 10: The Dream Sodomizer, and His Amazing Sidekick Snoozy" or whatever it kinda loses its flair. It shouldn't take longer to say a movie than it does to watch it. This is the Elm Street flick everybody hates because it doesn't "fit" with all the others, but that's exactly why I like it: it just does its own haunted house/possession thing and doesn't get bogged down with a bunch of half-assed "mythology" that nobody cares about anyway. Plus Freddy is still a badass here instead of a fucking joke like he was later on, making stupid Bob Hope-style comments and doing rap music videos and shit. Seriously, what a tool. In this movie, the people say the funny stuff, like the main kid's dad ("He needs a methadone clinic!"), or this smartass:

Chick: "So you going to Lisa's house tomorrow night?"
Dude: "No. Can't. I'm grounded."
Chick: "How come?"
Dude: "I threw my grandmother down a flight of stairs."

Then there's the main chick, a sizzling-hot redhead who isn't even fazed when her sort-of boyfriend shows up at the front door covered in somebody else's blood. I need to meet a girl like that. All this stuff is great, but there's more:

• The exploding bird

• The joker with the huge Limahl and King Kobra posters in his room. Has there ever actually been a person in the history of the world who listens to Limahl and King Kobra?

• The dolphin noises when red-hot Red is trying to stab Freddy in her kitchen. For real, did you ever notice that? What the hell?

• All the terror builds up to Freddy crashing a high school pool party. Ha ha! Maybe he'll TP somebody's house next. Duh.

• Special shout-out to the bikini chick with the Flock of Seagulls hair at that party, by the way. She doesn't do anything important, but Jesus Christ she's fucking fine.

• End credits song: "Did You Ever See a Dream Walking?" by Bing Crosby. Brilliant. This movie rocks.