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Nine Lives

(2002)

All these rich kids go to this gi-normous mansion to hang out and suck down some hooch. For the first twenty minutes all they do is reminisce and shit (which I guess would be like "character development" or whatever if they didn't all have the same personality), but things look like they might pick up when one dude gets possessed by this ghost and wastes Paris Hilton while she's in her underwear (and I do mean "waste", 'cause she looked fine). Too bad they work in everything you would expect from a flick like this (not being able to leave the house, phones that don't work, splitting up for no reason, going into the dark basement, the dude with glasses pulling a Thelma) except gore and nudity! Okay, I can understand if they got all their cameras and shit together and rounded everybody up and they all drove to this big-ass house out in the middle of nowhere to make the movie and when they got there they realized that like the key grip or somebody forgot all the fake blood and nobody wanted to go back and get it, but they still could have at least had the chicks show off their tits (especially the brunette)! I think the real problem here that the people who made this are a bunch of pansies, and if this is the best they can do then they need to change their focus and maybe get a job working on the next "Thomas the Tank Engine" video or something before I waste another 3 bucks renting one of their movies and have to start busting some heads.