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A Norman Rockwell Christmas

(1993)

I know Norman Rockwell was that one corny painter, but I never really understood what folks meant by "A Norman Rockwell Christmas". I always assumed it was code for "No black people". This video starts out telling us about the real guy, but mostly they just show his paintings while generic Xmas music plays. They also trot out some kid actor nobody ever heard of to make stupid comments, but fortunately we don't see too much of him and after a while he just sits there looking as bored as we are. It's the type of time-filler crap they always show on Christmas Eve and whatnot because most people are busy doing Christmas stuff or at least getting drunk and no one's watching television anyway. It sucks because frankly I wanted to get the dirt on this guy; seriously, wouldn't it be awesome to find out that he beat his wife or passed out Nazi literature during his spare time or something? Oh well, at least his granddaughter shows up, and she's pretty fine:

I'd sure like to ring the bells on her hot little Bobtail. Too bad gramps never did a painting of her in the nude. At least that we know of.