Offerings

(1989)

This movie is almost exactly like Halloween 1, except the killer isn't scary, the chicks are hotter (too bad we don't get to see their tits), and the sheriff looks like Harry Cunningham's* long-lost twin brother. There's a couple bloody parts, but they don't show much. That might work if your movie is actually creepy like Halloween, but when it's just a half-assed rip-off you really need to pour on the fake blood or you haven't got much of a flick there, jack. My favorite part is when the good guys find the murdered duck. Who murders a duck? I think it was supposed to be like that part where Michael Myers kills a dog and eats it, except people really do eat duck so it would have been just as freaky if they found a Taco Bell bag, or wrappers from some ice cream sandwiches or something. Idiots.

*The fat guy who used to make trouble for Sheriff Lobo all the time. Don't you know anything?

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