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Oz

(1976)

This little blonde hottie gets in a wreck and when she wakes up she's in the land of Oz, by which I mean Australia (you can tell because everyone talks like Beyond Thunderdome). This gay guy gives her some ruby high heels, then tells her about this rock star "The Wizard" who she decides she has to see even though she hasn't even heard any of his music. I guess she's just really easily influenced and shit. On her way to the concert she meets a surfer, a mechanic, and a biker, and they spend half the movie doing absolutely fucking nothing. How long can you watch people driving down the road listening to 1970s music anyway? I know when you take a road trip there's a lot of time when you're just driving and nothing interesting is happening, but when you make a movie about a road trip you're supposed to leave those parts out. After about a decade they finally get to the show and The Wizard and his band turn out to be so glam they make Ziggy Stardust look like Chuck Norris, but it was 1976 so I'm not complaining because it could have been a lot fucking worse. After the show the chick gets kidnapped by this dude who's been following her, her friends kick his ass, and finally they all crash a party at The Wizard's hotel room and the chick learns a valuable lesson when he won't crank her down in the shower. And that lesson is: Fame and fortune suck. Except we all know that's bullshit, so I think the real lesson is: This movie sucks. The only thing that kept me awake was waiting for the chick to finally peel off her little white top so we could get a look at the goods, but in the end we only see one of her boobs and her saggy ass for like a second each. What a fucking rip. Screw this movie.