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Perverse Preachers
Fascist Fundamentalists
and Kristian Kiddie Kooks

(1991)

This video is just parts from a bunch of Christian TV shows, but it's pretty fucking hilarious. It starts with "Captain Hook", this guy who has some whacked-out Christian pirate show where puppets rap about the Devil and little kids have to walk the plank. He's completely off his fucking rocker. Then we get to see these other Christian shows with people promising to cure your diseases and shit (for $10,000), singing sheep puppets, a deranged clown who plays with dead birds, some creepy-ass cripple with hands but no arms, Jesus' mom shooting lasers out of her hands, a guy capping a toddler in the face (they don't show it unfortunately), and some dude complaining about heavy metal.* My favorite part though was the ad for the Jessica Hahn Hotline. I'll be honest here- I'd nail her in a second, even if Jesus told me not to.

They also throw in some new age bullshit like a black guy who says he came from the future to help teens, new age standup comedy (by "Swami Beyondananda"- I'd make more fun of him, but frankly he's no worse than, say, Jerry Seinfeld), and a company that will sell you "space water" for 80 fucking bucks. It gets a little boring in the middle, but if you fast-forward stop for the Jim & Tammy Faye Bakker part so you can hear her go "I wake up every morning wishing that they had killed me, and Jim does too." Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Christians really are fucking idiots.

*Remember when people actually thought that stupid shit was worth taking seriously? Like how fucking lame was W.A.S.P., honestly? Duh.