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Phantoms

(1998)

Dean R. Koontz is such a pud-tugging hack. Seriously, what kind of knuckle-dragging morons buy his piss-stupid books anyway? I remember I read one of his stories once where these super-smart rats escaped from a lab (that's right, Dean R. Koontz ripped off The Secret of NIHM) and right away they knew to steal this chick's shotgun shells and how to sabotage her ride even though they never even saw a gun or a car before! Sorry, Dean R. Pufnstuf, but that's not how it works- knowing stuff doesn't just pop into your brain like magic, you actually have to learn it. What a dolt. Anyway, this is a Dean R. Koontz flick but amazingly enough it's not half bad, mainly because he just ripped off two good movies (The Thing and Prince of Darkness) and mashed them together. Plus it has a couple of extremely hot chicks in it (although neither one of them shows us the goods) and a guy getting killed by a giant moth, which is something you just don't see enough of since they stopped making Mothra movies. I guess if you really wanted to see Prince of Darkness and The Thing but only had time to watch one movie this could be the solution to all your problems, but otherwise it's nothing to get excited about so you should probably skip it since the less we do to encourage Dean R. Koontz the better.