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Preylien: Alien Predators

(2004)

An alien in a paintball mask crashes on Earth, and four monsters escape from his spaceship (through the bathroom window, apparently) and start running around the countryside. There's a cyclops; a beholder-on-a-stick; some sort of spider (which is brought to life utilizing mind-boggling Sectaurs technology); and the main one- a guy in a ten dollar gorilla suit, a Halloween mask, and an orange ski vest. Most of the aliens die right away (Paintball Mask offs the spider, the cyclops kills the beholder-on-a-stick, and a morbidly fat chick blows away the cyclops), but Ski Vest is still on the loose, and he's the biggest bastard of them all: first he pulls one guy's arm off, then he goes around forcing people to suck his dick and turning them into zombies. Eventually he attacks the fat chick and these other two goobers, but Paintball Mask shows up just in the nick of time and rescues them. Here's the brilliant conversation they have next:

Goober #1: "We can't understand you."
Paintball Mask: "That’s why I speak like you."

What? Paintball Mask decides to capture everybody ("Kiss my ass, alien!" says Goober #2), but Ski Vest comes back and rips his head off. The good guys finally manage to blow Ski Vest up, but in a shocking twist ending it turns out that one of the aliens left a giant potato behind! I least I assume that's what that thing is. Basically this is just a huge ripoff of The Alien Factor, except about a hundred times cheaper which if you've ever seen The Alien Factor you know is pretty amazing. And thanks for throwing in the fat chick. That's really what we all came here to see, some goddamned fat chick.