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Pups

(1999)

This movie was made by one of those jerkoffs who only uses one name: "Ash". "A film by Ash." Don't people know that when they do that they sound like super-pretentious, gay fags? I can see him now, prancing around his apartment in ladies' underwear with a spatula stuck up his ass saying "I am Ash!" over and over. What an asswipe.

Anyway, the movie's about these two kids who decide to rob a bank.* If you think that means that they'll end up trapped in the bank, a hostage negotiator guy will talk to them over the phone, they'll order pizza and a cop will disguise himself as the delivery guy, one of them will throw a bunch of money into the crowd outside, and somebody will get capped in the end and it'll be all tragic and shit, then you'd be right. It's like they had a Mad Libs book of bank robbery movies and just had to fill in the words. The only original parts are where Kurt Loder from MTV shows up,** which is fucking retarded, and... uh, actually I guess that's it.

*The chick's pretty hot for a thirteen-year-old, and I don't feel bad for saying that because if they didn't want people to think it, they wouldn't have put her in knee-high boots and a short skirt.

**What was with Kurt Loder being in every movie that came out for a while? For about five years there the best way to know that something was trying way too hard to be hip was if that fucking goon turned up. I guess Hollywood assumed that, because he was peripherally involved with music, young people automatically thought he was cool, when in fact that couldn't be further from the truth. You'd think they'd learn after they made the same mistake with Dick Clark.