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Queen of Blood

(1966)

These researcher people pick up some weird signals on their space radio, but I'm pretty sure part this is supposed to be a joke because then the movie goes out of its way to show us that the "radio" is made out of a furnace filter. Irregardless, there really are aliens contacting Earth, and they take off from their planet (it looks like a giant nightclub) to come visit us. Things don't work out so hot for them though, because they end up crashing on Mars and have to send us an S.O.S. "We're obviously in touch with beings who have a very highly evolved technology," says one cat. Yeah, it sure looks that way: they not only crashed, but on the wrong planet. You dipshit. Anyway, the researchers send some astronauts to Mars to rescue the aliens and after a bunch of screw-ups and general fucking around they finally pick up the only one who survived, a goony-ass chick who looks like the Grinch Who Stole Christmas and has a hairdo like a turnip. It turns out turnip-head is a vampire, and she kills one of the astronauts and drinks all his blood. So what do the astronauts do next? Nothing! Ah ha ha ha ha ha ha! Nice plan, future retards. The vampire wastes another guy and is working on victim number three when somebody finally kills her (by accident), but it's not over yet because it turns out she laid eggs all over the ship. Somehow they manage to make it back to Earth, and of course when they land these scientists want to keep all the eggs alive. "We shall take every precaution," says the guy in charge. Then his assistants pick up the eggs without even putting gloves on. These dumbasses totally deserve to have their planet invaded by blood-sucking, turnip-headed bitches.