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Red in Dreadville
-Welcome to Dreadville

(2007)

Okay, Dreadville idiots, in the future I suggest you buy a tripod or at the very least steal some milk crates and set your camera on those because this looks like it was made by epileptics. The story is basically "Little Red Riding Hood" with a pimp instead of a wolf, and almost everything about it is awful, with three exceptions:

1. The music is by some rock band that actually doesn't suck.

2. In one part this cop says "He has a rap sheet longer than a tapeworm shoved up a pig's ass!" I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but you have to admire anyone fucked up enough to come up with it.

3. Red Riding Hood is so motherfucking fine. Fine with a capital F. Fine like cherry wine. Fine like she should be in a way better movie than this. Fine like she should be in a better movie than Casablanca. You probably think I'm exaggerating, but rest assured I am not. I hope this bucket of crap doesn't destroy her career, because I really want to see her in more stuff.