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Rescue from Gilligan's Island

(1978)

In case you're too young or too smart to have ever watched the show Gilligan's Island, it was about these dumbasses who got stranded on an uncharted desert island for going on fifteen years because they couldn't figure out how to build a raft. There was Skipper Jonas Grumby, who was fat; Gilligan, who was stupid; Professor Roy Hinkley, who was smart; Ginger, who was hot; Mary Ann, who was even hotter and always wore these awesome short shorts that looked so good on her it would make the Pope beat off on live TV; and finally Mr. and Mrs. Howell, who were old and rich. For reasons we still don't fully understand this show was super-popular, and years after it was cancelled people still wanted to know if these clowns ever got off that damn island. So, finally, they made this movie to tell us.

It starts when the Professor finds out that they're finally definitely going to get off the island, because a tidal wave is going to hit it and kill everybody. The only other person who knows is Gilligan and he promises not to tell, but then Ginger smooches him and Mary Ann tells him "You'll never get another piece of my coconut cream pie" (you don't have to be a genius to read between the lines here), so he gives it away and everyone flips out. Fortunately, the Professor comes up with this plan where they tie all these huts together and then tie themselves to the huts and hopefully get washed along and survive, or something. Frankly it sounded like a pretty stupid idea to me, but we get to see them tie up Ginger and Mary Ann and that was fucking awesome. Let me like reiterate and shit: We get to see them tie up Ginger and Mary Ann. God damn was that hot.

Anyway, the plan actually works and they get found by the Coast Guard. They all go back to their old lives or whatever and have some adventures, but after a while they decide to take another cruise together and there's a storm and they end up wrecked on the same island. This was such a shitty, bullshit, rip-off ending that the first time they showed this movie there was rioting in the streets and looting and whole neighborhoods got burned down and like hundreds of people died, so they hurried up and made another one where the castaways finally did get rescued for good, I think by the Harlem Globetrotters and some robots if I'm remembering correctly.