Riverworld

(2003)

This astronaut is on the Space Shuttle when it explodes, but he ends up washed up on shore naked and covered in sperm (fucking pervert). All these other naked people come out of the water too, but unfortunately they find a bunch of thermoses full of clothes so there's no tits or anything. Next they find this big machine that gives them free food, but there's a caveman who freaks out so there's a brawl. Suddenly all these barbarians show up and capture everybody. They lock all the people in cages along with an alien who has Parkinson's disease, but this magic dude lets the astronaut out so he helps everybody escape. After they get away they hook up with these other people who have this boat from like Tom Sawyer days, but they need a meteor to make it work so they send the astronaut to steal one from the barbarians. He ends up getting betrayed, though, and the barbarians catch everybody (again). In the end they all have a big fight with swords and kung fu.

Who comes up with this shit?

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